Having It All? The Real Cost for Working Mums
Having It All… and What It Really Costs
The first generation of born-and-bred feminists is discovering there’s a price to pay, whatever we choose.
I’m a child of the ’70s. I was born into the era of Charlie’s Angels, The Love Boat, Dallas, Dynasty and Mork & Mindy, and raised on a steady diet of confidence, assertiveness and the belief that I could be anything I wanted. The restraints of the past no longer applied to me.
I was equal.
At 23, I joined a company that was growing fast. I met every opportunity with tenacity, and I was on the rise – so much so that my husband was able to quit his job and retrain in a new profession. No problem. We were a team.
Halfway through his retraining, the inevitable happened. I got pregnant.
My co-workers couldn’t believe it. I was on my way up the corporate ladder, they said, and I wasn’t the type to factor kids into the picture.
This was news to me.
Six months of paid maternity leave later, I was getting ready to go back to work. I still loved my job, but something had shifted. All I could think about was getting home to my darling girl, who had brought me the highest highs and the lowest lows I’d ever known. (She still does, by the way!)
I remember thinking, “This isn’t right. You shouldn’t want to be at home. You’re a feminist – what’s wrong with you?”
When my second child arrived almost two years later, I left the workforce altogether.
Corporate me was gone. But instead of mourning her, I celebrated. I hadn’t become someone less; I was still the same person. I could be anything – even a Mummy.
Not everyone saw it that way. Apparently I wasn’t fulfilled or challenged. I was shackled by the restraints of the past, and I really should get back to work and be a productive member of society.
Wait a minute. I chose this. And investing time in raising children is productive for society. So whenever someone asked what I did, I told them I worked in leadership development – raising the nation’s future leaders.
Ten years later, it was time to go back to work, and I found myself on the emotional rollercoaster once again. “You should put family time above finances,” the voice in my head said. “You only have so long with your children. Cherish it.”
Here’s the thing: my family also cherished food, clothing, a roof over our heads and holidays away together. So back to work I went!
So what does “having it all” really cost? Whatever price each of us is willing to pay – and that’s as different and unique as we are.
My whole life has been a series of trade-offs between work, money and family. I found the balance that works for me. Now find yours, and don’t let anyone guilt you into believing you’ve made the wrong call. If we’re truly equal, then our decisions are of equal value too. They shouldn’t be shaped by other people’s opinions, but by who we are and what we value.
I’m doing me, and loving it.
Go do you!
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